i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
