you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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