in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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