Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
