Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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