So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
