she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
