Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
