i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
