My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will pee on everything he values.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
