Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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