Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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