I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
