Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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