this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
