I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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