Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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