i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
