hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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