Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it hurts more in the daytime
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
