Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
