I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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