Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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