Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
