um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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