Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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