Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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