this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
