fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
