I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
