the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
