My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
