So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
