I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
