Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
