Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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