Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
