Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
