it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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