I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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