Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
