Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
