i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
