Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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