meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
