I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
