she kept yelling 'call me bella'
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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