GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
