Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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