so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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