So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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